The day before ..

The day starts off cold and grey. There is a menace in the clouds shadowing the mountains. The silhouette grim and distant. It feels as though nature is sympathetic to my mood.  In these quiet moments before the start of the day I am in synch with the world. We breathe in unison trying to exhale the anxiety that we both feel.

Today is the day before the anniversary of my father’s passing and  I always find this day harder than the anniversary itself. Regret is never far from my mind, many “what if’s?” come and go, but the melancholy slowly abates, overtaken  by the sounds of the children waking up. General busyness to get ready for school ensues, and momentarily; it’s just another day .

When we come downstairs the sky is still black and so we put the Christmas tree lights on and have breakfast.  Chatter and squabbles, a mad rush to make sure homework is put away and a dash to the bus.  I drop the twins off at preschool and I am alone with my thoughts again.  The sky is still dark and foreboding; a down pour imminent, but my heart feels lighter. The sun that peeks through makes me smile.

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